Ink on paper is as beautiful to me as flowers on the mountains; God composes, why shouldn't we? ~Audra Foveo-Alba
Saturday, October 17, 2009
i wonder why i self sabotage. or how to deal with the issues i have inside of me. i have problems trusting people. anyone in general. i make him bend for me in ways he shouldn't because i'm broken. its like hey i'm broken, so let me find ways to damage you too. i think some of my fears and insecurities are merited given my life experiences but i dont know how to react to them and how to deal with myself. no one's been able to help me to do that. and i dont know how. i've tried. tried doing different things in different ways to help myself and everything fails. i'm a good pretender. and i can pretend everything is all great when its not but i can only do that for so long. i bet he wishes he never met me and every burden i bring upon him. i gotta write some poetry. but even that has been such a challenge. nothing comes out right. its all wrong. i wish he could see me the way i saw myself. just for a moment. maybe he'd understand.
i'm a poet. i like to thing about simple and honest things. and then i like to write about them. i'm a woman. and i'm learning to appreciate that everyday. i'm human. it's a struggle but i'm still here.