Saturday, October 17, 2009

i wonder why i self sabotage. or how to deal with the issues i have inside of me. i have problems trusting people. anyone in general. i make him bend for me in ways he shouldn't because i'm broken. its like hey i'm broken, so let me find ways to damage you too. i think some of my fears and insecurities are merited given my life experiences but i dont know how to react to them and how to deal with myself. no one's been able to help me to do that. and i dont know how. i've tried. tried doing different things in different ways to help myself and everything fails. i'm a good pretender. and i can pretend everything is all great when its not but i can only do that for so long. i bet he wishes he never met me and every burden i bring upon him. i gotta write some poetry. but even that has been such a challenge. nothing comes out right. its all wrong. i wish he could see me the way i saw myself. just for a moment. maybe he'd understand.

out of breath.


Anonymous said...

I'd suggest writing. Writing has helped me come to terms with a few things in my life. So if something in your past has hindered you then write about it, if you don't already.

And then do something that is brand new that makes you uncomfortable. When you move out of your comfort zone and you achieve whatever you're doing it tends to make you more confident in general.

Lastly, never mess up a good thing. While you may feel insecure don't burn a bridge that is here to help you. If he sees you in a positive light then let him. He probably sees something you don't or fail to acknowledge. Enjoy that, don't "break" that.

Black Hippy said...

so true. We're all broken and want others to be broken too but in the opposite direction so that somehow they can fit our broken mold better.
Everyone has to accept each other's broken-ness and recognize it as individual and not confuse it for their own brokedom