Sunday, June 28, 2009

BET awards

these are some of the tweets and statuses during the BET awards: 

oh no diddy. seriously. plugging ciroc during jamie foxx's song. hot mess. that plus live autotune. bafoonery.

big ups to travis barker.

Dear BET, 1. Soulja Boy is best left on as a pre-show performer (if that) and 2. NOT EVERYONE DESERVES THEIR OWN SHOW. bafoonery. thanks, management

Dear BET, I know it's a recession but can we at least get a speed through of the the nominees? i like to laugh at the losers. thanks, management

best part of beyonce's performance? getting rid of the shoulder pad extravaganza she had going on. worst part? the rest of it.

Dear BET, Zoe Saldana is actually Zoe Yadira ZaldaƱa Nazario. and she's Dominican. WE ARE NOT LETTING YOU CLAIM HER. SHE'S OURS. thanks, latino management

Dear BET, I don't appreciate the Jamie Foxx concert I'm watching. thanks, management.

BBD (Bell Biv Devoe) = Amazing

Ciara... we don't like you for your singing. just dance.

 about time Jay-Z came on. maybe he brought a hairbrush or comb for Beyonce.

 this is the first BET awards since Obama got elected and there has been no mention of it. a few months and its already old news... hmmph

Dear BET, next year just have the awards at a cookout. sincerely, ode and management.

Wyclef gets a million cool points for being a loving dad and wife with his shout out.

Jamie Foxx definitely gave up hosting the BET awards. i blame it on the alcohol.

Drake. id appreciate it if you sang live. we are not on MTV's Unplugged... get up from that damn stool and move. and everyone stop making songs that curse so much and it just sounds like one long dramatic pause when BET censors it.

Dear Millz, we do not scream out "Papi" every time black men deep end. Thanks, Management [the everygirl song by young money]

two more things i fell in love with Trey Songz, he is delicious looking. but the BET awards gets such a thumbs down. Jamie Foxx promoting himself was over the top. We get it. You're on tour. We get it. Shush. 

shaking my head.

my fortune cookie

Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians.

waiting for the BET awards.

insomnia. again

I'm notorious for this early morning blogging. But I don't have anything particular to say mostly because I have so much going through my mind. 

I go through phases where I remember my self-worth and remember that I'm worth what I decide not what other people tell me I'm worth. I don't know if that read well but what I'm trying to say is that I'm a fabulous person and its okay for me to say so and acknowledge that the people I surround myself with should be up to par with me. I should never and will never reduce my self worth to make someone else happy especially a man. Argh. that idea is repulsive. 

"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes." Oscar Wilde

This statement is so true. I think we convince ourselves that things happen for a reason to ease the hurt of shit hitting the fan. I'm in such a bad mood. I think you can tell. Expect some more venting blogs today. It's that kind of mood.

argh. *insert curse word here*

Saturday, June 27, 2009

quote of the day

"You say I'm crazy. I got your crazy" Womanizer - Britney Spears

simply ferocious. 

Friday, June 26, 2009

pretty young thing

As is customary in this here blog world, I have to pay homage to Michael Jackson. He was definitely one of those people I never thought could die. I'm very much in tune with matters of life and death but Michael surpasses that. Call me crazy. And I respect a man who never made another language record and still his presence is felt. My first CD was Thriller. 

Also rest in peace to Farrah Fawsett and Ed McMahon. 

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen was alright. The action scenes were tight but plot left stuff to be desired. They tried too hard. It was noticeable. Thumbs not up, Thumbs not down... Thumbs Bleh.

something about originals man.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

where has my childhood gone?

so i definitely have diagnosed myself with insomnia. i haven't slept in over 24 hours. argh. but anyway. i've rediscovered songs from my childhood and early adolescence and let me tell you: those were the great days. 

the songs that brought back nostalgia:

Jordan Knight - Give it to you (i definitely had NO idea what the hell this song was about... after listening this was definitely so inappropriate) oh i love Darren Dance Grooves

Samantha Mumba - Gotta Tell You

Christina Millian - AM to PM and Dip It Low (i've been feeling very dip it low pick it up slow lately)

Dream - He Loves U Not (oooh these girls were trying get me to fight some heifer over a man at a young part of the song was the latina chick when she sings... i can always spot a latina.)

LFO - Girl on TV (oh how i wanted to be this girl though i had no idea what scooby snacks had to do with this song and its premise....)

Tatyana Ali - Day Dreaming (my sister when she was younger was a spitting image of Tatyana Ali)

Eden's Crush - Get Over Yourself (Nicole Sherudfhvdbfi you peaked too soon.) oh my favorite song was love this way one point i listened to it twice a day every day for 6 months

S Club 7 - Natural (yes they're best season was when they were in Miami and Rachel was my favorite)

Natalie Imbruglia - Torn (let me tell you guys... i still remember the VH1 Pop Up Video to this)

Savage Garden - Truly Madly Deeply ( i was like 8 years old thinking this was going to be my wedding song... mind you I didn't really understand it... but I clearly had good taste)

Mariah Carey - Always Be My Baby (was the reason i was itching to go to a sleepaway camp... sadly i never went...but i did go to boarding school)

i think thats all for today. i just love that i always had great taste in music. =]

starting the day of with a smile

Monday, June 22, 2009

romance like this

even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth: "you owe me". 
look what happens with a love like that. it lights the whole sky.

it's okay to have faith.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

my pieces of flair

I was thinking about this today:

1. I always carry a toothbrush with me. Not one of those travel sized ones but like an actual toothbrush. In my purse. I never know where the night will end up for me but I know that the morning should always include my toothbrush. 

2. I feel absurdly naked without earrings. I can be completely dressed up, hair done, make up done but I will be incomplete without earrings. My standard: gold or silver hoops. The older I got the bigger the hoops have gotten hence I can't sleep with them though I always attempt to and then middle of the night it's gone. 

3. I hate feet. But I like guys who have good feet. But I don't want their feet touching me ever. This makes cuddling a bit awkward but I just do not like feet. But I love my own feet. 

4. I give points to people. If a person does something good that I approve of, I'll say something like oh you get two points for that. If a person does the opposite, I'd deduct points... what these points amount to is still unknown. BUT it gives people a sense of purpose. Like maybe one day they can redeem their points for something. 

5. People make fun of me for the things I say. I have a lot of particular vernacular. I'd be the one to put juxtaposition and thumbs down in the same sentence. I don't say things like cool beans but I do say things like gnarly. And I say it pretty frequently. I do have an amazing vocabulary and people are just hating on it. 

6. Pet Peeves: when people think someone is always wrong with them. when people sing the wrong words to a song. really heavy doors. people who think poetry is just def poetry jam. 

no one should be okay with being boyfriend number 2. and girls if you have a boyfriend number 2... you're just being greedy some of us are struggling to get boyfriend number 1. 

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


i wrote this today. i felt hurt. and needed it to leave my inner aura before it wreaked some havoc. i was told it was emasculating. im not a man basher. i think men are beautiful. but when you act like less of a man, expect someone to let you know you messed up. 

I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to you
How to properly say
That I think you are an embarrassment to men
But I don’t want to come off sounding bitter
I am not a woman scorned
Just a heart bruised
So I don’t want you to read this 
And think I’m some kind of bitch
I’m only reacting to you
If you’re the cause realize then your effects
I don’t think this comes out of anger:
But people like you deserve to be lonely
You get emotion handed to you on a silver platter
Taste test to your ego’s content 
And then discard
I wonder if you have a heart sometimes
And you say 
You have been bruised and wounded
By a woman in your past
Everything is bigger in texas
Including the heartbreak
And you look into my eyes just to see your own reflection
And my tears can’t help you see yourself clearly
Neither will your two pairs of glasses
And I implore
Does your love of movies come from the fact
That reality is too good for you
Cause when the movie ends so do your feelings
Does your soul even have a purpose?
You won't find a conscience
in your sneakers' soles
And I know
You probably think I’m being dramatic
I think your heartless
You tell me stories of your past
The kind of man you used to be
But I thought
People grow up with age
You however have regressed
You are a boy in man’s clothing
And I am no one’s babysitter
A woman believed in you
Believed you deserved the things she wanted to give you
And you used her.
I hope you end up lonely. 
You claim she turned into an asshole
But your past relationship
just ran rampant and dominated my space
you should have known better than to take it seriously
So now I think you're just a joke
And when you sat in bed
Proclaiming how you used me
I laughed.
Stupidity is funny sometimes.
Denial is hilarious.
Especially coming from you
Scared insecure little boy
You clung to me
Held me and asked me to protect you
From the dangers of the world
But no amount of cuddling 
could save you from yourself
I don't know who unleashed you to the world
But just because you're quiet
and just because we were never that "serious"
just because you were not attached
doesn't reduce the disgust associated with your actions
Women take heed
This thing pretending to be a man
Is no good.

if you have a good woman in your presence, feel blessed. 
you wouldn't disrespect God and she deserves that same treatment.


"i would have gone to the four corners of
the world
...and the four corners of
his bed
if he'd ask it of me."

aww  beautiful . this resonated with me. thanks 


so. to preserve my sanity. i have decided to take a hiatus from the world. but i might be updating my blog with song lyrics and quotes i like. but updates on my personal life, ehh not so much. im turning off my phone when im sleeping. i might disable my texting. im off of facebook for a while. and im not twittering. and im going to get my shit together.

theres nothing like a punch in the chest 
to get air into your lungs.


even detachment is a process

I realized today that this BOY i've been dedicating so much undeserved time to... has been using me for the past few months. he told me today. so i'm done. i think i feel a little broken. and im tired of that feeling. so i'm going to enjoy my own company, love myself till i'm unbroken. i told him that i refuse to have him turn me into a bitch the way that some girl who broke his heart turned him into an asshole. to my future love (if i'm meant to have one)... i won't do that to you. i will try to be a pure hearted as i can for you. my past has no place in the future.

my biggest fear in life is to be alone. to wind up lonely. and given my luck sometimes i feel like i'm just destined for it. destined to live out my worst fear. maybe thats why i can't sleep at night. 

angels said i'd smile today.. oh well who needs angels anyway?

Monday, June 15, 2009

timeless: having no beginning or end; not restricted to a particular time or date; 
not affected by time

So I recently found an old note I wrote. That still applies. That idea makes me happy mostly because writers should strive to be timeless. Communication and emotion have existed before us and after us: we should try and stay relevant, for ourselves if not for anyone else. Being able to look back and say parts of me are so engrained and can remain unchanged even when your surroundings are unfamiliar.

"Lately I've felt my mind has all these thoughts that are waiting to come out but I've been blocked lately. So I'm taking my thoughts one at a time. 

New York will always seem so beautiful to me after the rain. It's a city equated with opportunity, hustle and glamour yet when it rains, everything seems humbled. The glamour gets traded in for awkward city smells, the hustle gets exchanged for hurried legs trying to avoid puddles and the only opportunity people want is the one that means they get to go home. 

I've never been one to flat out believe in God. I prefer to believe in real things, to give into real things. My imagination often gets the best of me and I'd rather not fill my head with illusions of grandeur. But the rain... makes me believe that something bigger than me is keeping me safe. That's one virtue I can believe in: the one of comfort. The comfort of arms that'll keep you safe, the comfort of sweet dreams after a long trying day, the comfort that the rain makes you seek. Nights like this, when New York city cries, give way to mornings when all I want to do is seek shelter underneath my sheets. My eyes will open and scan the room, letting my body know its okay to not move. 

I've never actually sat and speculated what Heaven must look like. I doubt it is full of people dressed in all white. All white clothing makes me uncomfortable; I always worry about spilling: who wants to worry about spilling Jesus juice on their nice all white suit in Heaven? No one at least not me. But I always imagined Heaven sounding like raindrops on my air conditioner. Or raindrops hitting a concrete puddle. It sounds like someone telling me my life is okay at this moment. It's someone telling me to appreciate the warmth that my bed offers with no one but me in it. On rainy days being alone in my bed is just fine. But wouldn't it be nice to be able to share that warmth with someone? Even if it happens to be on the couch during the afternoon.

People underestimate the power of lonely. The way that a lack of affection can make you feel. Human Beings are not meant to be alone, we are social beings. Some people say that people were born alone; but they neglect to mention they are born through another person. Women particular in my opinion are not meant to be alone. Our bodies once we mature are made for two people. My body is meant to be home to a baby at some point in the future, it's meant to receive attention, it wants to be close to another person. Around me I see people I care about succumbing to feelings more powerful than them. And I know they can believe in God. Or believe in something that can feel so real. And I can't help but wonder why instead of giving into something, I keep running into some kind of wall. And all I want to do is let the rain completely drench me until I feel brand new. Until I can feel the way New York sounds during rain: peaceful. 

I always imagine people huddled under umbrellas, underneath storefronts. All avoiding the same thing. That no matter how hard they try the rain will land on them. The truth will always touch you; no mater how small it may seem. So what's my truth? I think I place too much importance on romance. Romance in the way that rain will always seem like something more than rain to me, or how I notice the smallest details that make you so unique. I will always believe I'm a hopeless romantic with a preference of cynicism. Good things happen and I believe they can happen yet not for me. But I believe in rain. I believe that the way clouds cry is reminiscent of the way I cry when I'm alone in my room. I believe that everything is connected, that the world is only as big as your impact and that the universe is endless. My childhood consisted of 9 planets, yet my adulthood consists of 8. So I'd rather believe in the way that water feels hitting my palm rather in galaxies I could never wrap my head around. 

I want, not what I see, but rather what I feel. My poems are museless, faceless, titleless, but they dont lack emotion. But poems sound different , feel different when they're attached. It's not that theres this spacious void, or anger... rather there are words with no order, poems waiting to be felt before they can be written. Maybe that's why I feel blocked. 

Rain could be a person. But that's a stretch of my imagination. I want eyes that sparkle the way tar does after a storm, I want hands that feel like thunder, I want the warmth and safety that you feel pretending that your responsibilities lead you right back to your bed into the arms of what heaven must feel like on its best day.

i wonder what is the opposite of time?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

thought of the day

Strategy has no place in relationships.

*got it off of Amanda Diva's twitter.

Saturday, June 13, 2009


some people suck.
some people dont.

i should be around the ones who dont. simple right? it's one of those easier said than done.

but i'm trying. recognizing the problem. and assessing it. to the best of my ability. 

usually not so vague but
last night i kind of broke... leaving me semi-wordless right now.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I don't say everything. But I paint everything. Picasso

Okay so I have to blog about it because unlike Picasso I don't paint, but I do write. And I got my feelings majorly hurt yesterday. Yes, it's about Boy. So I did a bunch of huge favors for Boy yesterday. And then I'm waiting for a delivery for him at his new house. I see one of my friends (he's here at this point) ... *sidenote: my friend is a DOPE poet. Hannah Adams. if you're in philly, the Philadelphia Youth Slam Team is having a show on the 14th. Tickets are $15 and are going to be well worth it. Hannah is on it.* so yeah, Hannah comes by and they start talking. He invites her to a housewarming BBQ. and I was flabbergasted... I didn't even know this BBQ existed. After Hannah leaves, he reluctantly invites me saying how he just figured I'd be around. Then he tells me how his best friend from home is coming to the BBQ so he'd rather me not be there and that's how I got uninvited from this BBQ. I do a lot for him... and especially yesterday, I came through for him hardcore and I felt the most unappreciated that I've felt in a long time. Like I felt hurt. Mostly because I know the rest of his roommates so maybe I could have gone and hung out with someone else. I don't know if it's silly but I just felt all types of "he's ashamed of me and doesn't want his friends from home to know I exist"I didn't like that feeling at all. And then he felt bad and tried to invite me to this BBQ forgetting that I know he wants me nowhere near the proximity. But my friends are still invited. 

that's my anecdote of my yesterday.

Monday, June 8, 2009

random poetic thought of the day

some coals aren't meant to turn into diamonds
some just prefer the fire
so if all he wants if to be the flames that get licked on skin
as opposed to shining brightly alongside your complexion
let him go
who needs his warmth?
we got our own body heat for that.

Monday, June 1, 2009

america is sexy

well at least it was way back in the day.

Happy Monday.