Friday, January 2, 2009

relationships... the ship has sunk

I think as a blogger of the thoughts going on in my head I have to address this notion of relationship. It might be perceived as venting but it just has to be done. I have been single for a little bit now going on a year and half now and that gives a person time to think. I was sitting at McDonalds, eating the all american meal: a number 1 with bbq sauce for my fries and a Hi-C orange which is the drink of champions when this guy, who's absolutely beautiful (a term only reserved for men who are absolutely stunning and he was) comes over to me and asks me if I speak french. It turns out he was french and his english was not very good but he wanted to talk to me because he found me "tres belle" and we proceeded to have a 45 minute conversation with his bad english and my bad french. It was one of those wow moments. He asked me why a girl like me is single? and I tried my best to explain to him that in America nowadays guys do not want relationships, they want relations. And he could not really understand what I was trying to say because he couldn't understand why so many pretty girls in America are single. Every generation seems to try their best to stray from the norm and traditional, to test boundaries. But to me there are some traditions that are beautiful and meaningful. Like the idea of a partner, just one for whatever moment in time. Its pretty difficult opening up your heart and having it crushed by someone who told you in the first place that they weren't looking for commitment. I know I've lied to myself and said I didn't want it either. To a certain extent I don't not yet at least. My last relationship has given me some bad karma, I'm still trying to shake it off. But I hate the idea of starting something and never allowing it to progress. Thats not human: humans need to progress and grow. Relationships need to evolve or we need to wise up and let it go, move on. and I want to swept off my feet. and then people say that that idea is a delusion coming from romance movies and novels that have corrupted girls minds but it is tradition for a courtship to happen, it doesn't have to be extravagant but it needs to happen. I don't want to settle for anything less than what I deserve. and then people say that I'm too intimidating and I don't understand. I won't weaken myself for anyone and I don't think I'm intimidating... I'm pretty awesome actually but who knows. So yeah with the notions of casually dating, casual sex, casual relationships... the tradition of monogamy I think is going out the window. After all isn't the idea of dating meant to find the one your supposed to be with? So if you never give it a shot then what? But then comes the "if I don't want to get married do I date?" I don't know. I have to revisit this whole topic some time later after having some discussions with my friends.

I'll write more later. There's a cake looking at me and it REALLY wants me to eat it. And I have to oblige.


The said...

You are so insightful. It's like you're your own best friend and therapist. You had me laughing like crazy. I wish you the best in the love dept. You deserve only the best. Don't waste your time with anyone who won't give you that.

Choir Boy said...

You might want to check this out. It's prudent to your post. Hopefully you'll like it.

Invisible Woman said...

omg!I saw ur pic and recognized you... you dont know me but I date ur friend Hannibal and I just saw that u follow my friend 'choir boys' blog i've known him since hs... lol small world hope to someday meet you