Wednesday, September 23, 2009

evening inquiries

i started to think about relationships. more important the way that they form and develop. i am guilty of rushing. in my fear with rejection i just always want to know good or bad. (by relationships i dont always mean romantic) i am quick to put all my eggs in a basket or no eggs in a basket. i have a hard time finding a medium. go hard or go home has always been my motto. i just never know what the proper amount of caution is. i either throw caution to the wind or allow it to dominate me.

for example, how do you get to know someone? ex. my boyfriend way back in the day when we were just "talking" had said that he wanted to get to know me. when we choose to get to know someone, what are we expecting? is it one of those "i want to get to know you" so that this goes somewhere or just to get to know you? and what do you decide to get to know? and how do you know when that's enough? i've talked to people and when you ask them "tell me something about you" every one always comes up blank. like in all the years you have been alive, everything you've experience and everything you believe and have feelings about, there is nothing you can say. 

but i think sometimes when you go into something thinking it has to lead to something than you never really get to experience it the way you should. sometimes we taint the present with thoughts of the future. tomorrow has no place in today sometimes. 

i have a lot of these random thoughts.

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