Friday, August 21, 2009

crying while doing dishes = pathetic

i've had a troublesome day. case in point: i was washing some dishes like 15 minutes ago and i just started to cry it was one of those days. where nothing seems right. my family life is in shambles, my love life seems to be a mess and me as a person... well i just feel pathetic. ever have those moments where you get tired of fighting, tired of struggling. i wish i could just be. and i know people say it's simple. once you make the decision to just be, then it'll happen. my heart just hurts. my soul is all kinds of fatigued. i'm trying to keep my head above water. but for whatever reason, drama and problems just find me. it's like everything aligns to keep me from breathing. i don't know what it is. i don't remember doing anything to elicit this bad of karma. 

i'm trying to figure out what i can do. are there things i have to give up? i just feel so overwhelmingly lonely today. i haven't felt like this in a while. like i'm fighting a losing battle. it's easy to fight when you know you're going to win. but to know that no matter what you do, it'll never be enough can break you. and that's what i feel like today. i thought i'd be done with the depressing blogs for a while. i actually have a lot of productive blog ideas but today it was just too much for me. i didn't know what else to do or who to talk to. i keep getting yelled at or people get mad at me. and i don't know what i'm doing wrong. i'm trying so hard to be good. to stay out of trouble and just be happy. but the universe just seems to finds way to make me feel everything but happy. my surroundings just seem so unhealthy. i need a break. 

all kinds of broken. 

1 comment:

femi. said...

i really wish i'd seen this on friday, but i just wanted to say that i can relate.

most people go through these kinds of times, but not everyone is brave enough to drop the game-face and lay it all out. this makes you courageous NOT pathetic.

sometimes crying is the best and right thing to do. ride the sea of tears until you reach the shore. if it's one of those days then it's just one of those days. let it breathe so that you don't have to carry it into the next day.

there is always tomorrow.