it creeps on you

this is going to be a short entry mostly because i'm confused about it. but i think i'm in love. this guy literally is one of my closest friends. he knows me, deals with me. at my best or at my worst, unconditionally. he gets frustrated with me because sometimes i'm a lot to handle but he's always there for me. and i like to think i'm there for him. i like making him smile. yesterday we went out on a date. it was effortless. at one point we just sat on some chairs for about an hour and just talked, took in the scenery and just sat in silence. we had our first kiss. it was sweet. i got butterflies. which is foreign to me because given the amount of hurt i've encountered sometimes i didn't think i had genuine feelings. this is the first time in a long time i've liked a good guy. but i can't admit that to him or to myself out loud even though i know he's going to read this blog and know its about him. argh. perhaps that's why i'm doing this. but i dont see myself being a girlfriend. that term scares me. i dont want to hurt him or damage our friendship. poor excuse i know if you can have the friendship and the romance then there should be nothing stopping you. so i guess bottom line is that i'm just scared. but i think i love him. he makes me happy. he's leaving back to baltimore tomorrow so i won't see him until Lord knows when and i don't like that. that makes me sad. 

weird. 

anacaona