Wednesday, July 15, 2009

without consent

I often wondered why rape
affects us so much
why it rots our insides
making us less than human
until we are standing 
on nothing more than the 
promise that
time heals all wounds
We women are more than human
We take ribs
and clone them into children
We have ovaries that perform
modern day alchemy
gold is simply not of much use these days
so this womb
opted to be a home
for future babies
and to men
seeking wetness in the form of something
other 
than
tears
to my tenants
i was temporary shelter
never meant to last more than
a few hours on cold nights
or nine months while limbs developed
but he
fucked me something permanent
just like a thief
he burglarized this home
entered through locked doors
he was not welcomed here
the space between these walls
are unsafe
my property has been redlined by blood trickling down thighs
my value is shot to hell
i might as well be worthless
my sexuality meant nothing
and that is why it hurts
because
we are taught 
as little girls
that our chastity is precious
virginity is close to sainthood
and to guard it with our life
but we chose
to engage in relations 
with men who have forgotten what innocence feels like
we renounce our sainthood
for their piece of mind
and he now walks
with shoulder blades prominent
cause he stripped me of my wings
and now carries them on his back
he was never meant to fuck angels
i never gave him that right
he wanted to be closer to God
used me to ascend to the heavens
leapt from the cliff of humanity
and was resurrected a monster
there are no ghost stories about this kind of sin
no boogeymen equivalent for him
my body became the source of my fear
four limbs
torso
spine
could not save me 
what kind of redemption does God hold
for rapists and their victims?
and though a part of me died that day
there are no obituaries for the death of angels
no convictions for the theft of wings
there's no justice it seems
perhaps she was raped too
chose blindness to escape her own reflection
she only saw him
so we women
are affected by rape
because whatever doesn't kill you
sometimes makes you wish it had
just to see
if our tainted and broken souls
will still be allowed into heaven
though we can no longer fly.


there are some thing you don't get over. 
anacaona

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